Facebook.

Fact 1: I hate Facebook.

Fact 2: I probably spend at least an hour on Facebook everyday.

Why do I hate Facebook? Well, it's a recent development. I used to not mind Facebook, but that was before I realized how much I put on a metaphorical mask when I log onto Facebook (for more mask stuff, see previous post). On Facebook, I can be anybody I want to. People will look at my pictures and statuses and say, "Wow, this girl is great! She has it all together; look at that status she posted about how much she loves Jesus! And look at those pictures of her on the mission trip! I wish I was that cool." So I put up what I want people to see and in doing that I shape what everyone thinks about me. Facebook is the biggest and most public mask ever created. For example: I can't tell you how many pictures of myself I have untagged; if a picture of me looks slightly weird, I untag it. Can't let anybody see how I look in real life! Instagram (which I love to use) has become popular recently... why? Because you can alter how the picture looks. We don't like real life.

I was talking to one of my best friends about Facebook recently, and we agreed that it is a real problem, especially for girls. We have become so reliant on Facebook! People look to Facebook to find value in themselves. If I post a good picture of myself or a particularly clever status, I will admit that I'm on Facebook about twice as much waiting for a 'like' to affirm how good-looking or smart I am. How pathetic is that?! Especially when there's a heavenly Father who can show us how much we are worth- EVEN on our worst days that nobody else can see. And for people who post "my life sucks" statuses, they're looking for just as much affirmation and attention (something along the lines of: "no, you're beautiful!" or "OMG, whats wrong? If you're posting a vague status about you ex-boyfriend for the whole world to see, it must be important! Text me!").

I've almost stopped posting statuses on Facebook altogether because I'm tired of lying to the world. I'm tired of acting like I'm so happy and excited and feeling "blessed" about everything that happens to me. Really?! Is that really true?! NO. I'm a wreck most of the time!
...I think I just threw up in my mouth a little thinking about all the "masked" posts.

Anyways, I'm still on Facebook all the time. It's a problem and I realize it. I like to know what's happening and I like to know who's in a relationship with who, etc... It's really quite terrible. I'm trying to stop. This summer I'm planning on getting on Facebook minimally. I can't wait.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph. 2:8-10)

Masks

Alright, well its been about a year since I blogged. Oops. No time to catch up, lets just get right to it.

If you walk by the door and glance into my room, it looks pretty clean. Things are in order, you can see the floor, and every item has its place. However. When I walk in all I see is a mess. School papers crammed into folders, clothes stuffed into drawers, and let's not even begin to talk about how badly I want to vacuum my floor right now (it's been on my to-do list for a week). But if somebody comes in to my room to talk I can shuffle the papers around, close the closet door, and steer their eyes away from the little black pieces of intramural field turf all over my floor.

I can hide my mess.

And boy, am I good at it! But let me tell you, its exhausting... I live in my room. I do homework in my room and occasionally eat in my room. How am I supposed to keep it clean?! I'm constantly walking around my room trying to do little things to make it look tidy. But I will never have it completely clean. Never. Something will always be out of place.

So let me break it down for you. My room is a hidden disaster area. My life is a hidden disaster area. I have nothing right, I'm stressed about a million different deadlines, and I'm counting down the days till I can just go HOME. But I can so easily fool you into thinking that its all together! It's just a mask. An exhausting mask. I'm tired of it. It's time to tell the world: KRISTI IS A MESS.

And it's ok.

Because Jesus is the ultimate life-cleaner. He lovingly cleans up my mess and doesn't get mad at me for letting it get that bad in the first place. He gives me grace. I think it's time to stop worrying about making my life-mess look neat. And duh, that's hard because that mask has been worn my entire life. I'll be honest, I don't exactly know what taking the "have-it-all-together" mask off looks like because I've never done it before. It's scary. What will people think?! But I know that the freedom and rest I'll find in Christ will be a whole lot better than the edge-of-a-nervous-breakdown girl that I am right now. Well, here it goes. I'll keep you updated. (Maybe.)

All of this has been inspired by the book Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman. Buy it. Now.