Decisions.

I graduated from the University of Tennessee on May 10. Today, May 22, I think I finally have the next couple of years figured out. It's been a long process full of prayers, tears, and God's timing. People have been asking me what I'm doing next year. Here's the short answer: Attending Carson-Newman and getting an MA in Applied Social Justice. (random, right?! don't worry, I've never heard of that degree either. Go look it up.)

If you're satisfied by the short answer, read no more. I don't want to waste your time. But for those of you interested, here's the long answer....

Fall 2012. I had known for a couple months that I wanted to get a Masters degree in Social Work. To me, it made perfect sense to attend the University of Tennessee! Why leave when I'm so in love with this beautiful city, have a wonderful church family, and have amazing friends? I even had three roommates to live with next year! Being the overachiever that I am, I decided to meet with a UT Social Work professor to talk about their program. After meeting with him I was incredibly frustrated because I knew that UT was not the program for me. I was terrified. But I began looking for programs outside of Tennessee anyways because I was convinced that the Lord told me not to stay in Knoxville. I told my potential future roommates to find a different fourth roommate because I'd be long gone by next year (and they did find somebody!).

Winter Break 2012. I found the perfect program: The University of Pennsylvania. It is the number two Social Work program in the nation, an Ivy League school, in the middle of Downtown Philadelphia, and one of the best educations I could possibly receive. What's not to love? I began my application during Christmas Break and began stalking Penn on Google Earth just so I could see how beautiful the campus is. I was convinced that this was where The Lord was leading me. It's incredibly expensive, but I figured I would get financial aid because that sort of stuff always works out when God is on your side!

Beginning of Spring 2013. All semester, I've been telling people I'll probably be in Philly next year. I don't even known if I'm in yet, but I have a good feeling. Over Spring Break I went on a mission trip with the BCM to NYC! I scheduled my admissions interview at Penn for that same week, so I hopped on a train and headed over to Philly. Side note: That was one of the most grown-up things I've ever done in my life; walking around a city you've never been to is slightly terrifying. Two weeks later...... TA DA! I got into Penn! I was so excited. It was like a dream come true. I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to attend Penn, but I figured since I got in, God was telling me I should go there. I was ecstatic, but at the same time a lot of pieces had not been put together... housing, financial aid, etc. I was still confident it would all work out. I saw Penn as a mission field- Philadelphia is a huge city in need of Christ and Social Work can be a very secular field. Despite my fears, I was ready to go.

April 24. On this day my $300 enrollment deposit was due at Penn. I had still not received my financial aid package from the University, but I thought maybe it would come after I enrolled. After all, I was told that 95% of students receive financial aid. It would be statistically crazy for me to be in the 5%. The cost of tuition was about $80,000 per year and there was NO way I was paying that or taking out a loan. The previous days I had played phone tag with the financial aid director at Penn, and I finally reached him on April 24. I asked him when I would find out about my financial aid, and to my complete shock he told me I had none. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I was bewildered. I thought God wanted me in Philadelphia. I thought He would give me something! Maybe just a thousand dollars?! But nope, I got nothing. That whole day I was in tears. I was heartbroken, but relieved at the same time. Somehow a weight was lifted off my shoulders; I think I knew all along that I wasn't supposed to be in Philly, but since I got in I kept trudging along. My entire plans shifted. I told Penn I would not be attending and now I had no idea what to do. Literally, no plans... and that is so not like me.

End of Spring 2013/Graduation. I seriously had no idea what to do next year. I already had plans to stay in Knoxville and work over the summer, so that was taken care of. Suddenly, a spot opened up with my original roommates (see Fall 2012)! It was too perfect. Before they could find somebody else, I made a quick decision to stay in Knoxville and sign a one-year lease. This was partly out of desperation and partly out of common sense. I already have a part-time job here in Knoxville, so if nothing else I would just continue working there. Every single day I questioned my decision to not attend Penn and stay in Knoxville. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. I didn't know if it would all work out, but my God is sovereign. He knew all along that it would work out.

May 20. While I was at work, I was talking with some of the counselors in my office (I work at Ebenezer Counseling. Best counseling office in Knoxville, btw) about my future. One of them suggested a potential internship at a non-profit here in Knoxville, and another suggested I look at Johnson Bible (her alma mater). Johnson didn't have a degree that was a good fit for me, but I decided I may as well look at other schools in the area. As soon as I got to Carson-Newman's graduate programs, I saw the MAASJ Program and freaked out a little. I just knew that the Lord was leading me there. Everything about it fit perfectly for me AND they were still taking applications for the fall. I can go to school part time, keep my job at Ebenezer, and live in Knoxville because most classes are online. That night I submitted my application. I haven't been admitted yet, but I have a feeling I will begin classes in the fall!

Well, that's pretty much everything. I am so thankful for this journey because I've learned that God knows what He's doing even when I don't. I can blindly trust him during this time of confusion because He's sovereign. I'm so blessed to have a family, boyfriend, and friends who have supported me regardless of my decision this entire time.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 
-Isaiah 55:8

.... Part 2?

I have a story to tell, and its way overdue. It's from my summer and one of my most cherished memories. I actually wrote this post in January but never published it.

Speakers Corner
We arrived in London on a chilly Saturday morning. We groggily sat through orientation/training that day, and happily went to bed that night. The next morning my team woke up and hit the ground running- no time for jet lag! We went to an area of Hyde Park called Speaker's Corner. I'm not really sure how to describe Speaker's Corner; it's unlike any place in the U.S. Basically, anybody from anywhere can go there and say anything they want (as long is it's not talking bad about the Queen). On any given Sunday, there are about five to seven speakers speaking at once while crowds stand around them discussing and arguing. Sometimes the crowds break into smaller groups of debate, other times they become one large debate. Muslims and Christians largely dominate Speaker's Corner, and the hostility is very clear. The best I can do is give you two YouTube videos to illustrate the atmosphere:

I absolutely hated every single minute of being there. The darkness swallowed you up as you walked towards the crowds; the oppression was physically present to me. As we walked up to Speaker's Corner, we all agreed that since it was our first day in the city, we would most likely listen to what everybody had to say and keep away from debating or shouting matches. That lasted about ten minutes. Before you know it, several men from my group were engaged in a debate with the imam in the second video. As they were talking, the man's years of expertise started to show. I seriously started to second guess everything I believe and wonder why in the world I am actually a Christian. I wasn't even sure if Jesus is the Son of God. (side note: I'm very sure of it now)

Then.

A random British woman with long blonde hair popped out of nowhere and began to talk to the man on the stool. As they argued, he commented that she should not be speaking because she was a woman. He meant to quote 1 Corinthians 11, but accidentally said 1 Corinthians 13. To set him straight, the British woman whipped out her iPhone and began reading God's living and active word.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

As those words were spoken (shouted) I felt something I had never felt before. The darkness that suppressed the area was literally and physically FLEEING. At the mention of God's truth, lies from the Quran had nothing on which to stand. 1 Corinthians was completely irrelevant to the imam's argument, but he stood speechless for a moment. During that pause, one of our men shouted, "JESUS IS LORD!" Suddenly all the Christians began shouting and praising Jesus- it's like we couldn't contain ourselves! I don't care who you are- the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any double edged sword.